Glamorous? Me? Uh uh.
If there's one thing I try to avoid, it's the 'slightly fakey photo' syndrome. That's where you see a photograph of your favourite author or actor or celebrity (of whatever kind you follow) and they look pretty good.
Then maybe you get to see them in the flesh and it's a bit of a shock. They're ten kilos heavier and ten years older and ten times more wrinkly than the photo you saw.
It's not accurate.
Maybe they looked like that back when they were younger, thinner and had better skin but it's not what they look like every day.
So. Tricky. Y'see, I've got a very glamorous photograph going on on this website. If you haven't noticed, have a look at the header. It was taken on a special day after I'd had my makeup and hair done by an extremely gorgeous and talented friend. And, I have to say, I look pretty fantastic.
But in keeping with my dislike of 'slightly fakey photos', I am now left with a dilemma. To be honest about who I am, I have to look like the photographs I put out there. Which means I kind of have to look like this now. At least most of the time.
Since I turned 40, I've been making an effort. Apart from the days I had the flu, I've only missed putting on makeup on two days. And I'm trying to not just turn up to school to pick up the kids in a fleece jacket and gumboots. (Even though my gumboots are black and white polka dots.)
It makes me feel a little bit odd. People have been giving me compliments. Because apparently I look quite good. But I feel like a fraud. Yes, okay I have eyeliner on, but I'm not really one of those well-groomed people. I'm just pretending here.
And I find myself talking down anything nice that people say to me.
Great outfit? Well, I got the top for $3 at the Salvos and I found my jeans for 80% off at the Myer sale. I never buy anything full price. Heck, even my undies are second hand. (No, not really. That's just my little joke.)
Blingy jewellery? Oh, Andrew gave these to me years ago. Yes, they're cute, but I never buy jewellery for myself.
Cute gumboots? Ha ha. I decided after four years living here I was sick of walking through the mud.
Nice hair. Oh well, my daughter got a new hair straightener and I've been sneaking in to use it.
Good makeup? I'm making an effort. Now that I'm old I've got to hide the age spots somehow., plus I'm sprouting hairs on my chin. Icky, right?
Me? I'm not really glamorous. If you really knew me, you'd recognise straight away that I'm an imposter, a fake, a fraud. At heart I'm scruffy, slightly grotty and a little bit gross.
But I'll pretend to be good looking. I'll trick you. I'll curl my hair. I'll be someone I'm not really if it means I can keep my fabuloso one-off photograph on the front of my website!