How To Be Happy #13: What's your responsibility is your responsibility. Not the rest of it.
There are two common mistakes we make around the word ‘responsibility’. Both mistakes make you unhappy.
The first mistake is to take everybody else’s responsibilities as your own, and try to carry the whole world on your shoulders.
You’re not responsible for other people’s behaviour.
You’re not responsible for other people’s feelings.
You’re not responsible for keeping every single person in the world happy at all times. (Believe me, you will fail if you try this.)
You’re not responsible for solving all the problems of the universe.
Kay? Got that?
Don’t over-carry. You’ll be stressed out, anxious and feeling heavy all the time. You won’t be able to control other people and you’ll either end up trying to micro-manage everyone, or getting depressed and hopeless.
Don’t over-carry. But, don’t under-carry either.
You are responsible for your behaviour.
You are responsible for your actions.
You are responsible for acting kindly, generously and nicely to other people.
You are responsible for getting your job done - whether that’s study, chores, a paid job, or volunteer work you said you’d do.
You are responsible for your part of a relationship.
You are responsible for keeping your promises, for paying your bills, for fixing your debts, for driving safely, for obeying the law, for paying your tax, for handing in your assignments, for meeting friends when you said you would meet them.
Geddit?
You are also responsible for your reactions to people, for the thoughts and beliefs you let take over your brain, for the bitterness or envy or revenge you allow to fill up your heart.
If you’re under-responsible, you go through life as a victim, believing things just ‘happen’ to you, and you’ve got no control. But you do. If you under-carry, and don’t fulfill your responsibilities, you’ll never finish things, you’ll let people down, you’ll jump from one thing to another and you’ll leave a trail of destruction behind you wherever you go. Your relationships will crash and you’ll constantly be blaming other people. This does not make for a happy life.
Be happy: know exactly what your responsibilities are, and also what they aren’t, and fulfil them.
What responsibilities do you have this week?
Did you complete all your responsibilities you had last week? If not, why not? What things didn’t you do? What feelings and thoughts do you have about them?
What things do you feel over-responsible for? How would you feel if you were able to ‘put them down’ for a little while?
Want more on how to be happy? Check out the rest of Cecily Paterson's How To Be Happy blog series for more tips and advice.
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