I'm thinking a LOT about healing and prayer at the moment. I'm having a prayer meeting for Bright Eyes next week and I'm going to specifically ask God to heal all his neurological difficulties and his anxiety.
It's kind of scary. I have a few 'what if's?' floating around in my mind.
What if God doesn't heal him? Sometimes I'm not sure I'm up for more of the marathon of remediation (although I know I will be... it's just hard). Will I be really angry with God? What will it do for his sister's faith? Can we afford to pay the costs (both financial and costs to our family life) of autism long term?
What if God does heal him? Will I tell it far and wide and then feel like I'm boasting? Why would he heal my child and not the other 10 children I know with ASD? Would I suddenly have a ministry of healing?
Here's the way I'm approaching the whole thing.
- I'm asking God to do it so the healing doesn't depend on my amount of faith.
- I'm praying very specifically.
- I'm getting our whole church community to ask with me (more than two or three!)
- I've read all the Mark passages where Jesus healed and I'm studying the requests and the reactions of those healed, as well as what Jesus said to them.
- in the weeks leading up to this, I've been letting God know what I'd like him to do and what's coming (as if he didnt know anyway!)