Gaggle of girls

I'm back at my blog. I still can't type, but now I've got some wonderful dictation software which is helping me put words on the screen. There are some interesting errors to correct here and there but for the most part it's a good thing. Now I just have to hope that my voice doesn't give out. In the meantime here's a part of a chapter I've been working on for the book.

If you're in high school, it seems that survival is really only possible if you're in a group. When I started a new high school at the age of 16, the thing I was most concerned about was finding myself a group to be in.

The trouble is that groups of girls in high school are notorious for having difficult dynamics. I think it's unreasonable to expect to get through high school unscathed by your group. If you do, congratulations. But your experience is not the same as many people.


In my early teens a group of us at boarding school decided that gossip was unrighteous. We shouldn't gossip about each other. We knew it was wrong. However we did still want to talk about each other, so we invented a new way of having a conversation. We called it "sharing our thoughts" -- or sotting for short.

Of course, it was the same thing. By sharing our thoughts we could rip each other to shreds just as easily as if we had called it gossip.

Gossip is everywhere and incredibly difficult to avoid. How do you know if your group is gossiping about you? If you've heard about others in your group, you can expect to have others talk about you.

Why is gossip so bad? If your friend doesn't know that you were talking about her behind her back how can it hurt her?

Firstly, gossip is not based on love. It's based on public humiliation. Secondly, someone will tell her. Gossip doesn't stay a secret for long. And once she knows, she feels the public humiliation. It's like taking a knife and ripping your friends clothes to shreds and then standing back and saying "no, you look fine."

The least you can do in a gossiping group is to shut your mouth and say nothing. The best you can do is to say something nice about the type of the gossip. Don't repeat gossip. Don't add to it. Don't make it a drama. Correct untruths. And go on the offensive by always having something good to say about everyone.

Two of the most wonderful woman I've ever met are Deb and Eunice. Being with them for an hour leaves me feeling fresh, loved and positive. The reason? They have something positive to say about everyone. Negative words just do not come out of their mouths. The effect on other people is amazing.

Does this mean we can never say anything negative about anyone? Sometimes you just have to get things off your chest. If you must share things you are having trouble with, make sure it is with one and trustworthy person.

And think about why you are saying this. Is it because you are bitter? Are you trying to justify your self? Or are you genuinely looking for a solution and trying to love the other person?